But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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