shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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