dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
