Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
