lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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