I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
