just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
