He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
