i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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