If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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