You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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