Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize