on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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