Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
