awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
