I think i peed on brittanys purse
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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