margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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