She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
