If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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