My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
be right there i have to get my cape
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
