dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
