mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
