I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
