o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
