I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
