Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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