nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
