I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
