just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
