i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
