everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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