either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
