I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize