I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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