I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
