Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
