I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
