you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i barfeds in our rink
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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