So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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