apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
