Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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