I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
honey bunches of taint.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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