You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
