True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
