Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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