I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and she was petting her beer can
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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