Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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