I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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