That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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