either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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