We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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