fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
