Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
