wakey wakey hands off snakey
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize