so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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