Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
