Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
false alarm, still single
Randomize
