happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
