Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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