I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
