i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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