forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i drank out of a bidet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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