he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
