Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
