I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
honey bunches of taint.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
