is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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