Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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