I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
