You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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