Just cropdusted the office
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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