Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize