Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
