A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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