More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Your dad touched me again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
