i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
