i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize