Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
