I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she told me i tasted like america
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
