i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
