She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
