you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
