Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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