Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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