I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
