I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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