Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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