I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
