dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
