Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
