he shaved USA in his pubs
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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