Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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